Author: Sarah (candy_swirlz)
Disclaimer: I know this is not true! So just leave me to imagine on my little Island Of Denial!
Feedback: YES PLEASE! I would love it.
Summary: Painful memories are all you have when the person you love is gone.
Author's Note: Please forgive any errors 'cause I didn't have time to read it. I have school in less than 7 hours. I need sleep. See ya.
P.S - If you find any errors please drop me a note, I would be eternally grateful.
All he can think about is whispered words and broken promises. He misses watching Orlando curled up against him, sound asleep clutching at his pillow. Viggo can’t help remembering thinking of how beautiful he was when he was asleep – completely at peace with the world. Viggo misses the way Orlando used to snuggle up with him on the couch while he was watching TV, which usually led to a make-out session, which led to a giggly run to the bedroom and the TV was left on, forgotten.
Viggo smiled bitterly.
I miss being woken up by you
I miss falling asleep with you
It had been three months. Three months without talking and kissing and snuggling. Three months without quarrelling. Three painful months without his angel, without the person he loved; the person he lived for, breathed for. Needed. 7 years was too short, too fast. It wasn’t enough.
I miss his warm lips and soft kisses
His soft seductive tone
How he was afraid of thunder
And the way he used to dive into my arms
When lightning lit up the room
The way he felt so good against my skin
He sometimes lay alone at night and hated himself. Hated himself for the fact that he had always taken Orlando for granted. That he always thought that his Angel would be there, no matter what. And now, he was gone. Just like that. And Viggo just wanted to kill somebody, anybody. He didn’t want to mourn or cry or weep. He wanted to hurt something, somebody, so they’d just leave him alone or so they’d understand how it felt to have the person you loved most taken away from you. They didn’t have a fucking clue how it felt, but they kept coming everyday to give their condolences, with smirks hidden behind fresh flowers and sympathetic words.
Viggo felt sickened at the thought.
I miss the way he fell asleep on top of me
The way he licked my neck after we
The way his lips crashed down on mine
In passionate kisses
No one knew. No one understood how it felt to be ripped up and torn apart by the person you loved most. Viggo felt the first tear, since Orlando had died, slide down his cheek. And he hated himself even more. For allowing himself to break, for jumping off the Island Of Denial and letting himself drown in the cold, bitter sea.
He liked to pretend that Orlando had just signed on to a new movie without him and was working early in the morning till late at night. He liked to pretend that the flowers and gifts they had received were actually early birthday presents from his angel. He’d rather coop himself up in his room all day than go out, because all the people at their favourite hang outs would ask where Orlando was and Viggo couldn’t bring himself to answer. He had never been to Orlando’s grave once, because he knew that if he did, the cold, harsh reality would wake him up from his dreamy haze.
He didn’t want that. Didn’t need it.
No more soft ‘I love you's’ against
No one to curl up to on the
Wintry cold nights
No more waking up to the
Aroma of Orlando’s favourite coffee
No more brief kisses in
The morning and
No more distractions when he’s
No more walks on beaches in the
No more romantic cheesy things
To do because there’s
No one to do it with
Viggo gently touched the pendant hanging around his neck and smiled. Almost. Their 3rd Anniversary.
No more surprises on birthdays and anniversaries
He walked into the house to find it completely empty. Viggo sighed, it was their 3rd anniversary and Orlando probably had forgotten. Again. He was probably out watching soccer like last year. He glanced sadly at the bottle of wine, tied up in fancy ribbons.
“Viggo?” A sweet, familiar voice floated from their bedroom upstairs.
“Angel?!” He was almost delirious. Guess his plans would still come in handy then.
“Come upstairs – to our bedroom,” purred the voice, sexy and sultry and seductive all at once. It sent shivers down Viggo’s back as he made his way up the stairs.
He wandered into their bedroom, a rush of adrenaline coursing through his body. His fingers closed over the doorknob and turned. A subtle perfume permeating the room floated toward him, engulfing him in its sweet scent. Soft music filled his ears and the room was bathed in a soft candle light. Rose petals littered the floor and led to the bed.
His eyes rose and he realised that Orlando was lying on the bed, not a stitch of clothing on him. He’s almost awed by the sight before him and manages to speak, but it comes out as a breathless gasp.
“What are you doing?”
Orlando smiles coyly and slowly makes his way towards him, sauntering leisurely. Moist lips close over the tip of his ear.
Warm lips cover his own in gentle, soft kisses.
When they finally pull away, gasping and breathless, Viggo slides his hand along Orlando’ jaw and traces the outlines of his lips with a finger.
“You’re so beautiful.”
And Orlando blushes. And Viggo smiles at the irony of it all. The fact that Orlando can sit on the bed naked and he is brought down by a tiny comment.
He nudges Orlando’s lips open with his own and slides his tongue into the welcoming depths.
“We have all night.”
The chime of the clock down the hallway brings him out of his reverie and he realizes that the pendant is digging painfully into his skin and he loosens his death grip on it to inspect it. It is as striking as it was the first time he touched it, the sapphire colour just as bright and sparkling.
A wet tongue slides over his neck and he grins and looks down at the man lying beside him.
“Still not satiated?”
Soft kisses press against his neck and the tongue repeats it’s earlier course. A tired sigh.
“I’ll never be satisfied.”
Viggo smiles and kisses his forehead.
“Are you doubting my stamina?”
“Is that a challenge?”
A questioning gaze.
“It better not be.”
There is a silence.
“I bought something for you,” Orlando reaches behind a candle and pulls out a small box. “It’s not much, but it made me think of you. It’s the colour of your eyes.”
Viggo looks at the simple gift and smiles tenderly. He can’t find the words to express what he’s feeling. It’s indescribable. Like the feeling of pure heaven.
“I love you.”
Warm lips mould his and they leave themselves to whatever the night wills them to.
It reminds him of the sea, the many times that he and Orlando had watched the sunrise and sun set in their beach house. Reminds him of all their quarrels – that caused him to wake up with damp pillows and to find that the pillows in the guestroom were the same. It reminds him of the time when they exchanged vows. It was a small ceremony, no witnesses but the two of them and the heavens above.
It reminds him of the night Orlando died when it was wet and rainy. When water droplets, stung his arms and legs as he ran through the bitter, cruel weather to get to the hospital. But he had lost the race against time. He’d lost everything he lived for.
Sometimes he wonders why Orlando died. Why his life was claimed so early. He was so fucking young, had so much to live for. He remembers their playful quarrels, the way they made love and watched the sunrise. The little bits and pieces of their relationship and of his soul.
All gone. Like the wind. Nothing but a piece of paper.
I love you. I always did, always will
I want you to know that
And despite the quarrels we had,
Big or little
I never had a doubt about that
I hope that if I die
You’ll live happily
I know you can
You’re strong enough to
Make me proud
Go find someone who loves you
And will care for you more than or
Just as much as I did
And don’t waste time on quarrels
Cherish time together
I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more
Than you have given me
I love you
Forever and Always